I waited until my kid was 16 to give him a smartphone. Here’s the case for that approach

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My son turned 16 this past summer, which means that two things happened shortly after. He got his G1 driver’s licence, and he got his first smartphone – though not at the same time.

Both milestones came with clear conditions and expectations. He wrote a test to earn the G1 and will drive with adult supervision for at least eight months. He signed a contract for the smartphone, drafted by his father and me, which outlines rules for use. It states that we own the phone, know the password, conduct random checks and will confiscate it if necessary. The phone does not go to school or into his bedroom. He cannot have social media. Using it is a privilege, not a right.

It took us a while to reach this point. For years, he asked the question every parent has heard a million times: “When can I have a phone?” I answered truthfully: “I don’t know, but not yet.” He didn’t like my answer, but he didn’t have to. It was my job, as his parent, to determine when the best time was to allow a smartphone (if such a time even existed). I’d done plenty of research – I’d even written a book on managing screen time – and spoken to numerous parents who regretted introducing smartphones prematurely. My gut twisted in protest at the thought of handing over such a powerful device, so I held out.

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It’s not like he couldn’t communicate with his friends. He texted them daily from a desktop computer, using an Apple ID to send iMessages. He participated in group chats and received plenty of silly memes and videos. Sometimes he borrowed my phone or used our landline to make calls. I offered to buy him a basic flip phone, but he scorned that proposition, preferring to be phoneless than carry such a contemptuous object.

Meanwhile, I stalled for time, waiting for enlightenment to strike – and finally, it did. I heard an interview with Dr. Jean Twenge, a social psychology professor at San Diego State University and renowned expert on technology’s effects on kids. Twenge, who has three teenage daughters, said that getting a smartphone should be on par with getting a driver’s licence, when it comes to the level of maturity required to operate one. In most parts of Canada and the U.S., that is 16.

Her argument made sense. Sixteen is considerably older than 14, which is what Jonathan Haidt recommends as the minimum age for smartphone ownership in The Anxious Generation, but Twenge pointed out that an enormous amount of development happens in two years. A 16-year-old is better at decision-making and risk assessment than a 14-year-old. Nor is there any real justification for a smartphone before 16. Once a kid starts driving, they may need navigation apps, but prior to that, a basic phone should be sufficient. (She doesn’t condone tracking kids.)

Waiting till 16 has positive social effects. If earning a licence is a prerequisite for a phone, then a newly mobile teen may feel incentivized to hang out with friends in person, which is generally healthier than online interactions. Not having a smartphone deters access to harmful social media, since using a computer is less convenient than a phone-based app. Plus, research shows that the longer a young person waits before receiving their first smartphone, the better their long-term mental health outcomes will be, especially for girls.

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Most researchers are loath to offer explicit advice on the right age to give kids smartphones, preferring vague statements like, “Every child is different” and “There’s no one-size-fits-all.” Such ambiguity is unhelpful. Twenge told the New York Times, “With so many other things in society, we choose an age and we stick with it. We don’t say, ‘Oh, some 12-year-olds are ready to drive and some 20-year-olds aren’t, so it’s just up to the individual or it’s up to the parent.” Instead, we determine when most young people are ready to do something and set a hard rule, recognizing that there will always be exceptions. It is not a flawless process, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to make it as good as we can.

So far, my son is handling his phone responsibly, but I remain vigilant. I strive to model good habits. I remind him that it’s a powerful tool, not a toy, and it should never take priority over a real human’s presence. He has yet to say, “I’m glad we waited,” but I know I am. Sixteen gets here before you know it.

Katherine Johnson Martinko is a Canadian writer and the author of the 2023 book Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance. She writes about digital minimalism, parenting and technology in her e-mail newsletter, The Analog Family.